gentle kiss, sweet caress
kiss the base, of your neck
argue until my head hurts
I can't remember what you said
I'm screaming loud
don't know what we're screaming about
so confusing, yes it's true
but if it wasn't there
what would we do

and no one really knows anything about it

but everybody needs it
we can't live without it

and that's the way it goes

dark as day, bright as night
just some other thing you might hear


if you ask what love feels like
and it feels like joy, and it feels like pain
and it feels like sunshine, feels like rain
an exuse for dying, reason to live
and if you don't know, that's what love is



saved txt draft from 323am; edited a bit
just having one of those nights where I kinda wanna/need to be held..
iunno just overwhelmed with a mixture of mixture of emotions..
been here a month and I think I've cried more in the last month then probably all summer..
iunno just kinda been feeling lost last few days..
I'm feeling stressed, anxious, vulnerable, distant and.. lostt..
cause when I am alone, I don't know if I am happy anymore.. I feel kinda down.. kinda tired..
and lately I've been having moments where I've lost the feeling in my body/legs..
the other night jolted me awake in a sense.. to lose the feeling in my legs and a sense of where I am..
I guess I have baggage to deal with..
I've just been moving along and not processing anything..
--
usually when I cry, I'll process what caused the tears and whatnot but lately, i've just been crying and then moving on cause when you're not crying in private, it's different cause you're trying to gather yourself and move on as quickly as possible.
and the other night, i was all dried up until he held me and my tears came streaming down..
I'm a mess mentally..
with driving, school, this relationship.. my mind's been pulling around that I don't know how long I can do this..
i guess my biggest emotion right now is stressssss..
from school, most definitely from school
and for the last couple of months, i keep wanting to stay up when my body is clearly telling me that I need to sleep yet when the time comes for me to get up, all i wanna do is sleep..
but i went to bed early-ish last night, only to end up thinking and turning around before falling asleep..
perhaps i'm staying up until i'm beyond tired so i don't have to think
maybe last few weekends of losing sleep and not really allowing myself to catch up on any during the week, isn't helping but this weekend, i want to catch up on sleep but without him by my sleep, i wonder if i will be able to yet beside him, i'm constantly waking up but thinking that as long as I'm near or in his arms, i'm okay..
but a part of me knows i'm not..
now figuring out why i'm not is another issue..
i don't know if it's just been depression simmering underneath.. cause i do feel happy and i can be smiling lots without even noticing it
perhaps it's cause when i'm by myself, i don't have to be smiling, i don't have to talk, i can just work through the motions without thinking..
i think i kinda been feeling like i wanna get away, like just get out of a class as fast as i can or just go as fast as i can somewhere that i don't really think about what it is i'm doing
i guess in a way, i'm covering myself with school yet at the same time, not fully..
*sigh*
am I making any sense?
probably not
do I really care to?
no not really
why's that?
cause this is for me, not for others to question me or analyze
simply for me to rant
am i done ranting?
probably not
but for now.. yes i am